Life without You
by xXPrincess-of-DarknessxXx
Summary: AU: Elena chose Damon and not Stefan in 3x22. Stefan moved away from them and let Elena and Damon be happy together. Now three months have passed and Elena is starting to regret her choice. She still loves Stefan and misses him terribly. Doubts of her choice are plaguing her and she wants Stefan back.What will happen to them?Will she stick with Damon or not?Read and Review! S/D/E/B
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey everybody! So this is my first Stelena fanfiction, which I translated from German into English. I wanted to share this with you, so I could get your opinion on it. At first, I wanted to publish it in German, but then I thought in English would much more people read it. So there you got it. I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes. I had to translate it by myself, because google is shit. Really, my sister can do much better than that bullshit. Anyway read it and please review, so that I get your point of view :D I would really appreciate it :D Enjoy reading, but be aware it might be sad (sort of)!**

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_Dear diary,_

_It has been 3 months, since I chose Damon, and Stefan is gone. Is this believable that he has left us? How could he do this? It breaks my heart. However, compared to what I have done to him at that day, it is nothing. I estimate that I would have done exactly the same, if my lover had not chosen me. It comes to me, like yesterday, when I had with him ''the conversation''._

_Flashback:_

_,, Stefan we must talk. ", I said softly. He nodded and answered: ,,I know, Elena. I know.'' I swallowed, taking a deep breath and attempted to say, what I wanted to say: ,,I...I have decided, if you don't know it. " _

_His bluish green eyes stared expectantly at me, but his look was emotionless. Did he really lose all hope? Did he not believe in us anymore? To our love, which we had? He walked a few steps closer to me, looking at me tensely and said quietly: ,,I believe, I already know it. " _

_I looked at him surprised and uttered: ,,Stefan, I... It has changed a lot between us and I have developed feelings for Damon, which confuse me completely. I think that I even love him. Stefan, I chose Damon. I'm so sorry Stefan that it must end in that way.'' _

_I glanced into his eyes and saw that his eyes were filled with tears. Looking at him tears welled up in my eyes too. A single tear ran down his face, and he said weakly to me: ,,Is this the end? It's over? After all, what we went through, is this the end?"_

_He tried to laugh bitterly, but it turned into a sob. I also cried and whispered: ,,Yes Stefan, this is the end. " _

_He took a sharp breath, held my face in his hands, looking deeply into my eyes and said: ,,Elena, I love you and I will always love you, no matter what happens."_

_Then he let go of me and I looked at him dumbfounded. Abruptly he walked toward the door, while I turned around watching him. Next he told me briefly, before he went out of the door: ,,Adieu." I gulped and replied: ,,Farewell, Stefan."_

_Since this day I started a relationship with Damon, which is not that bad. Really, Damon is a good friend, but if I am together with him, I feel, as if something is missing. Probably, I miss Stefan. I think that even Damon misses him, because sometimes he sits alone in the library and looks at old family portraits. Oh yes, this is really hard for him. I and Damon have together fun, and if we sleep together, it goes always hotly, but it is not the same with Stefan. _

_It's just sex; nothing more. God, I must stop to think of him. This is not normal anymore, let alone healthy. Now diary, I'll stop writing, because Damon and I want to watch one more movie, namely, Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2'. Oh, that reminds me at the time, when me and Stefan watched the the first part in the cinema. Then, we were both still in love and there was no Klaus; everything seemed perfect. Oh, I start again. I'm sorry. That was it. Goodbye diary._

_In love your Elena Xxx :)_

I put my diary aside and go to the living room, where Damon already expects me with a glass of wine on the couch. I smile at him, taking the glass from his hand and sit down beside him, whereas he switches on the television. He grins and asks me: ,,What took you so long? "

I know, if I would say now that I wrote in my diary, he would be hurt,(because he knows that I write about him and miss him) therefore I lie to him: ,,Nothing special, I only dressed myself up for the film evening. "

He nods and we both devote ourselves to the television.

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Somewhere else in Chicago:

Stefan's view:

I never thought that it would hurt in such a way, that I could die of it, but it does it and it becomes worse day by day. Sometimes I think even of suicide, but then I ban that thought of my mind, because I exactly know that Elena wouldn't like, if I killed myself. Elena. Just her name, lets me shudder pleasantly. I imagine her, how she would walk with me through the streets of Chicago. Hand in hand we would go through the town, just like one of those happy pairs in advertisements. No, Stefan; do not think of her anymore. She does not love you; she loves Damon. Start to live again, that she would have wanted from you.

I stop by a store, looking into the shop-window and think of how I should ever start new. How without her? My life had meaning, when I was with her together, however, now it's over. I only didn't give up and lived for her. She was what kept me alive, though she isn't there now. She left me and I her, because I was cowardly. I couldn't watch her spending her life with my brother. How would I be able to do so? Can somebody take offense at this?

Perhaps I sound selfish now, but if I think of what I did to protect her and Damon and at the end... Yes, at the end, I'm the one, who stands alone. I turn away from the shoe store and saunter further through the alleys of Chicago. Sometimes I think of calling her or Damon to ask them how they're doing, but then something detains me. What keeps me back, I don't know. Maybe it's my fear, or my honor or my self-respect. I don't know it.

I go on, until I come to a cafe and go into it. I order myself Cappuccino and sit down in the behind. Although vampires drink no Cafe, I find it reassuring. And right now, where my thoughts are wild, I need something soothing. I take out my IPhone of my pocket and see that I have 3 missed phone calls of Caroline and one of Elena. No, this is unbelievable. She calls me after 3 months? What does she want? Is she not happy with Damon, or does she want both of us?

I hesitate a moment, whether I should call her, but then I leave it. No, her voice; it may be on the phone, but I couldn't endure it. Thus I decide to write a SMS to Caroline, whilst I tell her I'm fine and she shouldn't worry about me. Although I lie to her with it, it's the best for me, for her and for all the others. I drink my coffee, pay and head toward my bleak flat.

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**AN: So this was the first chapter! I hope you liked it! If you did or not, tell me :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! The second chapter is there. I translated it today :D Now read and please review, because I like to know your opinion :D Now enjoy reading and tell me afterwards, how it was :D**

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Elena's view:

After the film evening I went to my home and tried to reach him by calling, but only his mail box turned on. He doesn't want me anymore. He hates me for what I did to him. I tore out his heart; I broke it. News of Stefan I get only from Caroline, because she is the only one, who has still contact with him. If I hadn't decided, I would have Stefan here, with me. I miss him so much. I can't even really blame him for leaving without saying goodbye to me; although, he actually said it: ''Adieu.''

This was the last time I heard his voice. His voice still sounds in my ears; so broken and sad, and I have the responsibility for it. I can only hope he can forgive me one day he, if he comes to Mystic Falls again. Bit by bit I start to regret my decision. It's not that I don't love Damon, but slowly I doubt that I can spend my whole life or even eternity with him.

Now I lie in my bed and look at old pictures of him. After one hour I stop, taking my mobile phone and try to call him with suppressed number. Maybe he picks up his mobile, if he notices that it is unknown and not me. I dial his number and wait, until he hopefully picks up.

To my luck he picks up and I hear his voice, which sounds glum and depressed.

''Hello? Who is this? " he asks.

Oh, what I should answer? Yes, hello, here is Elena who broke your heart? Oh and, how does life go actually?

I inhale a few times deeply and hear once more his voice, ''Hello? Is somebody there? E-lena is this you? " I swallow thickly.

How can he know that it's me? Hesitantly I reply in a quiet voice, ''Yes, it's me Stefan. Hello''

Momentarily silence rules, but then I acknowledge his voice again. ''Elena, why have you called me? "

I begin to cry, ''Because I miss you! Okay? You just disappear abruptly from our all lives. That was a huge shock for me. "

Again I perceive nothing for a while, until he tells me emotionlessly, ''You chose Damon. What should I do? Look at you both happily? No, I wasn't capable of that. "

I wipe away the tears and say; ''As I chose him, I still loved you. I love to you both, but I love you more Stefan. "

Once again I don't hear anything from the phone line, until he finally responds, ''Elena, I can't do this anymore. I can't bear this anymore; this back and forth with myself and Damon. Before you decide, consider your choice, because otherwise you'll regret it. I want to start a new life, but I'm not able to do so. Do you know why? It's because you always whirr in my head. I can no longer do it Elena. I prefer to give up everything, give up myself and just go.''

Oh God, his voice sounds so downhearted. He wants to surrender? No, that he can't do.

All at once I sob and say, ''No, don't do it Stefan. Please, don't give up. Continue to live for me, and above all, for yourself. "

This time he answers me fast, '' I will try. " And with that sentence he hangs up, and now I sit shattered on my bed, going through the conversation in my head.

Stefan's view:

I knew it. I could have imagined it that it was her, who would call me with an unknown number. Nevertheless I picked up my mobile and heard her sweet voice, which also clanged sad. She still loves me and loves me more than Damon, but I can't continue this 'love triangle'. In the end she must decide and come to her senses. I wished that I could go to her, though I do not dare to show up in Mystic Falls anymore. I could not face Damon's accusations; in any case not now. Dammit Elena! What do you do to me?

I attempt to move on from you and then you call me and say that you love me. What should I do now? I can't just go after her like a dog. No, I must remain strong. She should feel the way I felt in the last 3 months now; miserably. This is the word which describes it, describes it roughly. I lie in my bed, looking at the roof, and think anew to our common moments. They were beautiful memories, even if not all moments were nice; they were precious at last. I take my journal, sit up straight and start to write

_Dear diary_

_Did I not torment you enough with my pain? Certainly you ask yourself this, right? The answer is yes, but I simply don't know whom I should tell it. Earlier I had told everything Elena and Lexie, but now I have no one. I'm on my own again. Today she called me twice. Once her phone call went on to mail box and at the second time she called me with suppressed number and I answered. Was it a silly mistake of me? Maybe, but I wanted, no, I had to hear one more time. _

_I had missed her so much, which I still do, and I think that nothing can fill this hole that I feel. It's like, a part of me died; the part that felt joy and love, my human part. Yes, she was my humanity, but for that I didn't love her. I loved her for her person, for her 'self', and not because she resembled Katherine. _

_Oh my life is really ghastly, right? Why do such things only happen to me? I want to be happy again, but I know exactly that I can only happy with Elena. She is my happiness, oh well, she was it. Now she is gone and my luckiness too._

_Can I not become happy with another woman? Yes, maybe, but it would not be the same, how it was with her. Nobody is like her. For me, she is Elena Gilbert, who lost her parents at a bad chance and I saved her life; just like that, without reason. _

_I should have become a superhero, maybe then my life would have been fulfilled. No, it wouldn't be. Something would have lacked, as well as now something is absent, namely Elena. She misses me, but I can't go back to her, if I know that she also loves Damon and is with him together. _

_Only, if she makes up her mind and can love just me; me, Stefan Salvatore, I will return to her, but I won't make it easy for her. She hurt me so much and I, fool, still love and mourn after her. If this had happened to Damon, he would have completely gotten drunk and had sex with some girl, but this isn't me. I never was like that, not even, when I was human, though Damon was in that way already._

_He was always popular by women and a lady-killer. This I envied very much. He could handle so well women; however, I was the shy and introverted boy, who spent his spare time with reading books of Shakespeare, Dickens, Walt Whitman and other famous writers. _

_Additionally, at that time he made a move towards Katherine, my former love, and seduced her. He fell in love with her and she fell for him. I still think that he loves Katherine, and Elena, because she is her double-ganger, who is nice and kind, instead of being a cruel bitch like Katherine. Probably I lie wrong and he loves her from the button of his heart. _

_Okay, I think that was too much for one entry, but it had to be said, or be written._

I shut my diary, placing it on my small bedside table, switch off the night table lamp and cover myself with a blanket up. I close my eyes, trying hard not to think too much of Elena, although it's difficult to me not to do it. Just like any other night, I wake occasionally up and drink a tea or a coffee, only to calm myself down. Tomorrow I must go hunting. Now I head back to bed and sleep.

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AN: I hope you enjoyed it :P


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